Have you ever told someone that you love a certain quality about them, and then, they turn around and compliment you for having the same quality?
It’s natural that we can see the positive qualities in others that we also have within ourselves.
But it’s also true that we see the qualities in others that we don’t like about ourselves.
For example, I get annoyed when I hear people say judgmental and intolerant things.
My frustration comes from a subtle fear that I might also be judgmental and intolerant sometimes.
And if I’m really honest, when I pay attention to my thoughts, what surprises me is that there is a lot of judgment.
I disguise it by telling myself these are just my preferences for what I like and don’t like.
“I would have painted that wall blue instead of red.”
“If I were her, I would have kept my hair long instead of cutting it short.”
“This food is a little undercooked. I would have cooked it longer.”
“She could have gotten the discount if she had made a quicker decision.”
These are simple, daily thoughts that might not seem offensive or disrespectful.
It’s natural to get frustrated when you see someone do something you don’t like.
But your preferences can turn into intolerance of the way other people think and act.
Have you ever told someone to do something because you just want to help fix ‘theirproblem?’
But eventually, you realize that you need to take your own advice.
Friend, if you’re like me, you don’t want to be judgmental or intolerant of others.
But you DO want to be able to speak up for what you like and don’t like (your preferences).
You want balance.
I believe you can find the right balance when your goal is to express your preferences without trying to control, advise, or change others to be like you.
And the balance happens when you have the right tools to reflect on your thoughts and then express your preferences with clarity and confidence.
If you struggle to find the words to express what you want because you worry that you’ll come across as judgmental or intolerant, I can help.
We’ll talk about why you’re struggling to find balance, and I’ll give you a strategy to help you express with clarity and ease what you really want (without coming across as judgmental).
We’re on this journey together.
I support you!