Is there ever a time when you shouldn’t be nice?

A client asked me the other day, “Is there ever a time when you shouldn’t be nice?”
This question gets my heart pumping, and I’ll tell you why.
LOVE TRANSFORMS HATE…and it’s the only thing that ever has.
I believe that love is always the appropriate, and most powerful, response, no matter what.
And since love is at the core of “nice” behavior, the short answer to the question is ‘no’–there’s never a time when you shouldn’t be nice.
But if you’re nice to people, and you still can’t get what you need, I don’t want you to ignore your needs.
The key is to be in alignment with your values of being nice, but also push yourself a little.
If you see an opening in a conversation where you can be a little more bold, go for it.
For me, that means that I practice saying what needs to be said in the most kind, sincere way possible.
What’s the other option? Get angry and mean.
But let me ask you a question. How does it feel when you’re not nice to someone? How do you really feel deep down?
If you’re like me, you don’t feel great. At first you feel justified, and glad that you stood up for yourself, but then you feel bad, icky, sad, disappointed, and confused about what to do next.
This is especially true for us “nice girls” who value consistent kindness, respect, and generosity.
So, why does it feel bad when you’re not being nice? 
Because you didn’t act in alignment with your deeper self–the part of you that wants to give and receive love. The “nice” part of you.
Instead, you reacted from fear and ego, which takes you away from love.
So if you don’t want to fight back, but you’re not getting what you need, look for a new balance.
Practice what being bold and nice feels like for you.
If you’re worried that being more bold will make you offensive, judgmental, or disrespectful, my guess is that since you already fall on the “nicer” side of the spectrum, you’re not at a high risk of offending people.
For example, what comes to mind is the election. It would look very different for you to get more bold than it would for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
What happens when they get more bold? Miscommunication, anger, intolerance, you know….the world feels like it’s going to explode.
But when you get bold, things aren’t going to blow up or fall apart. 
If you get more bold, some pretty great things might happen.
Keep at it! It takes practice. And if you need support, I’m here.

Email me back with any questions or challenges as you look for that balance. I’m happy to help guide you forward as you put these ideas into practice.

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© 2015 AMY RYMER